THE RANDOLPH FAMILY
UNCONDITIONAL
Through an embodied philosophy of unconditional, selfless, radical love, Rhondalyn Randolph and her daughter Victoria Bowman endure adversity with grace.
Love, in many ways, is a radical act. To learn, to live and to forgive through love, is not an easy task, but the Randolphs are determined to do so. As a single mother to six kids, no day was the same for Rhondalyn Randolph, but there was always one constant: unconditional, selfless, radical love.
Rhondalyn has been a mother her entire adult life; at fifteen-years-old she unexpectedly got pregnant with her first child, Londun Randolph. As a high school athlete with scholarships lined up, her entire world turned upside down.
“When I was in high school, I was on the homecoming court, I played basketball, and I was looked at as a leader,” Rhondalyn said. “So when I got pregnant, a lot of people were mad at me, I had a lot of teachers that were mad at me. I had a basketball coach tell me that I wasn't gonna be anything but a welfare mom.”
Rhondalyn has been a mother her entire adult life; at fifteen-years-old she unexpectedly got pregnant with her first child, Londun Randolph. As a high school athlete with scholarships lined up, her entire world turned upside down.
“When I was in high school, I was on the homecoming court, I played basketball, and I was looked at as a leader,” Rhondalyn said. “So when I got pregnant, a lot of people were mad at me, I had a lot of teachers that were mad at me. I had a basketball coach tell me that I wasn't gonna be anything but a welfare mom.”
Ostracism from others echoed in Rhondalyn’s head. She was determined to contradict the grim statistics people defined her family by.
“My child, my kids were not going to be a statistic,” Rhondalyn said. “I could not wrap my mind around risking their future because of a choice that I made, so I had to make sacrifices.”
Londun, Damien, Danielle, Megan, Antonio, and Victoria; Rhondalyn’s children, are proof that Rhondalyn is a force to be reckoned with. They were all involved in countless extracurriculars and enrolled in advanced courses throughout school and a huge network of loving family and friends supporting them.
“My child, my kids were not going to be a statistic,” Rhondalyn said. “I could not wrap my mind around risking their future because of a choice that I made, so I had to make sacrifices.”
Londun, Damien, Danielle, Megan, Antonio, and Victoria; Rhondalyn’s children, are proof that Rhondalyn is a force to be reckoned with. They were all involved in countless extracurriculars and enrolled in advanced courses throughout school and a huge network of loving family and friends supporting them.
According to the Congressional Black Caucus Foundation on Black Teenage Pregnancy:
48%
Non-Hispanic black women get pregnant under the age of twenty
97%
Adolescent non-Hispanic black women are unmarried and have little to none means of financial and emotional resources
+25%
More than 25% of non-Hispanic black teenage mothers are more likely to become pregnant again within the first two years from their first child
Despite their successes, Rhondalyn’s kids habitually encountered microaggressions and blatant discrimination, because their teachers and peers blindly endorsed unfair stereotypes that Rhondalyn tirelessly worked to disprove.
After an incident with a teacher who assumed Londun couldn’t read, Rhondalyn knew this battle was relentlessly uphill. She trudged on.
“She assumed because I'm a single parent with multiple kids. She assumed because we lived in the projects. She assumed because I was a teenage parent or because I was a single black mom,” Rhondalyn said. “And then all those things that that coach was saying started coming back to me. I was like, I gotta try harder. I gotta try harder.”
Going above and beyond to make sure her kids were in the same classes and activities as wealthier white students couldn’t protect them from pervasive racism, classism, and sexism. Rhondalyn had to constantly advocate for her children to propagate opportunities for them.
All Rhondalyn wanted was for her kids to “be better” than her, she said.
“I think that's why it hurts so bad when kids reach the age of accountability, and then they don't make the choices that you think that they're gonna make,” Rhondalyn said.
After an incident with a teacher who assumed Londun couldn’t read, Rhondalyn knew this battle was relentlessly uphill. She trudged on.
“She assumed because I'm a single parent with multiple kids. She assumed because we lived in the projects. She assumed because I was a teenage parent or because I was a single black mom,” Rhondalyn said. “And then all those things that that coach was saying started coming back to me. I was like, I gotta try harder. I gotta try harder.”
Going above and beyond to make sure her kids were in the same classes and activities as wealthier white students couldn’t protect them from pervasive racism, classism, and sexism. Rhondalyn had to constantly advocate for her children to propagate opportunities for them.
All Rhondalyn wanted was for her kids to “be better” than her, she said.
“I think that's why it hurts so bad when kids reach the age of accountability, and then they don't make the choices that you think that they're gonna make,” Rhondalyn said.
23% of children in the United States are living in a single-parent home, the highest rate internationally, according to the Pew Research Center.
“There comes a point where they take what you taught them, and then they figure it all out. That's when as a parent, you just kind of like, hold your breath. But it's so hard.”
Rhonadlyn Randolph
Rhonadlyn Randolph
Rhondalyn’s love could not protect her children from everything. Victoria, Rhondalyn’s youngest, was sexually assaulted when she was fifteen. Trying to cope from this trauma changed Victoria’s life. She battled a drug addiction, became pregnant at sixteen and spent a few years in and out of rehabilitation centers and jail.
“I felt like all of them should have made it out unscathed,” Rhondalyn said, “I felt like I made the sacrifices so that it wouldn't happen.”
Every one of Victoria’s siblings will affirm that Vicotria is the baby of the family, literally and figuratively. Because she was always younger than her siblings and had a different dad than them, she spent more time with Rhondalyn. Their bond was special, but there was a shift around the time Victoria was assaulted.
Photos of Victoria courtesy of family.
“As I grew older and I was able to make my own decisions, and I didn’t always make the right decisions, our relationship grew apart,” Victoria said.
“Having a child at sixteen caused me to grow up a little bit sooner than most teenagers had to, and then with my molestation, I went through emotions and mental things that you shouldn't go through at that age,” Victoria said. “I had PTSD, I had anxiety, I had depression.”
Victoria’s coping mechanisms hurt her more than they helped her, and Rhondalyn felt powerless in trying to save her child and grandchild from the spells of addiction.
“She was in such a dark place that it was hard to reach her, like the essence of her, that deep down that never changes, that constant. Sometimes I saw glimpses of it,” Rhondalyn said, “Sometimes I didn't.”
“I had two episodes of, you know, heartbreaking moments to where I felt like, you know, I couldn't do it as a parent… My drug life had just taken off. So when Evelyn was about four years old, I ended up calling my mom one day, and I was like, Mom, you gotta come to get Evelyn, I need help.”
“Having a child at sixteen caused me to grow up a little bit sooner than most teenagers had to, and then with my molestation, I went through emotions and mental things that you shouldn't go through at that age,” Victoria said. “I had PTSD, I had anxiety, I had depression.”
Victoria’s coping mechanisms hurt her more than they helped her, and Rhondalyn felt powerless in trying to save her child and grandchild from the spells of addiction.
“She was in such a dark place that it was hard to reach her, like the essence of her, that deep down that never changes, that constant. Sometimes I saw glimpses of it,” Rhondalyn said, “Sometimes I didn't.”
“I had two episodes of, you know, heartbreaking moments to where I felt like, you know, I couldn't do it as a parent… My drug life had just taken off. So when Evelyn was about four years old, I ended up calling my mom one day, and I was like, Mom, you gotta come to get Evelyn, I need help.”
The rate of interpersonal trauma in the lives of women with substance use disorders (SUDs) is around 80%. Women report lifetime histories of physical and/or sexual assault, and many experience posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) symptoms, according to the National Institute of Health.
During her second and third pregnancies with her girls Auvie and Milani, Victoria was still suffering from addiction. Her children were born addicted, and the state revoked Victoria’s custody of her daughters because of her substance abuse. The state placed custody of the girls with Rhondalyn, who was able to care for them like they were her own.
Rhondalyn’s custody of Victoria’s kids was a plea, Rhondalyn knew she loved her kids, and living apart from them might be enough to push her to be sober. When Victoria wasn’t able to take Milani home from the hospital with her, it served as a wake-up call.
Rhondalyn’s custody of Victoria’s kids was a plea, Rhondalyn knew she loved her kids, and living apart from them might be enough to push her to be sober. When Victoria wasn’t able to take Milani home from the hospital with her, it served as a wake-up call.
Victoria with her two daughters, Evelyn (left) and Auvie (right), at a family Christmas party. Photo provided by the family.
“It was an out-of-body experience, I was just like, I really can't take my child home… and then they've locked the hospital down, alarms started going off,” Victoria recalls when she gave birth to Milani. “As a mother, I felt like I was unbalanced. I felt like my vision was gone… When I say that it broke me, literally broke me...it was very, it was scary. But it was needed.”
That moment pushed Victoria back into rehab.
“I needed to get over that drug addiction because it was dragging everything else around me down,” Victoria said. “So that's the first thing I started to ask God for healing over; not for my kids back, not for anything else around, but I needed him to heal me.”
Now, Victoria has custody of her girls again, and gave birth to twins this year, and remains close to Rhondalyn, God, and the rest of her family. She also has a new appreciation for herself.
That moment pushed Victoria back into rehab.
“I needed to get over that drug addiction because it was dragging everything else around me down,” Victoria said. “So that's the first thing I started to ask God for healing over; not for my kids back, not for anything else around, but I needed him to heal me.”
Now, Victoria has custody of her girls again, and gave birth to twins this year, and remains close to Rhondalyn, God, and the rest of her family. She also has a new appreciation for herself.
“I'm just most proud of myself for being able to stay strong and knowing that I can do it… I'm excited to have a house full of five kids running around,” Victoria said. “Me and my girls… daily, I think ‘thank you, Jesus, for my kids.’”
With a house full of kids, a relationship with her mom that is stronger than it's ever been and a reliable support system around her, Victoria feels certain she could never slip back into the spiral she was in before.
"I think that she values her sobriety, her relationship with her kids, what she has earned and gained, and she doesn't want to lose it,” Rhondalyn said, finally feeling that Victoria is at peace now, so she can be too.
The thread of love woven between the mother-daughter relationships in the Randolph family remains indestructible and saturated with examples of hard work and patience. Each one of them embodies this love, a love that is radical, undoubtedly life-saving, and deeply contagious.
“
Family means love. It means patience. Family means up and downs. Family means trials and tribulations. Family means a lot. That word, family, means a lot because you go through so much as a family. You know, family means support. Family means everything. To me, family means everything.
Victoria with her daughters; Evelyn (8), Auvie (4), Milani (2) and the twins, A'marie and E'morie (1 month), at home on April 22, 2023.
By: Sam Mallon and Jordan Matthis